My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
