Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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