I could have mohawked her pubes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
