Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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