i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
