Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
