I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
