My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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