I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
