Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
