oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
