I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is the high leading the old right now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
