Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
