see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am midnight drunk by noon
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
