I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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