i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
