Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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