he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
