Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
