im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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