trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
