hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
