I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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