Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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