are you still at the devil's house?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
