You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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