What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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