4 words: hood of his car
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
