We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
