Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
