I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
