Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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