Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your penis caused this!
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