i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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