That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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