the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize