if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
