that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
