Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
