K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
