Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
