reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
