this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I just sharted jello shots
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
