just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
