I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
