my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
