i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize