wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
