the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize