she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
