im six kinds of drunk right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize