There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
