I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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