Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
