i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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