Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
