She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
