Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
