Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
