I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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