i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
