a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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